A healthy dose of sanity
by elladoraa
Summary: What does a Naruto fan do to ensure their survival in a crazy world filled with chakra, demons and aliens? 1) Live a comfortable civilian life. 2) Not get involved with the main characters. 3) Find a shampoo that actually works with my hair. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned… [SI/OC]
1. Chapter 1

Fanfiction had always been my guilty pleasure. I even dabbled with writing fanfiction during my Harry Potter craze. I wasn't the best of writers, but I enjoyed it. During those years, I developed a soft spot for self inserts. Vivacious girls, who were nothing like me at all, but I still loved reading about their crazy adventures. That didn't mean I wanted to end up in their position. Are you freaking crazy? What is appealing in living in a world with hired mercenaries, war and death at each corner screaming BOO at you? If you don't know the answer. There must be something wrong with you. The answer is nothing. I knew right from the start the whole kunoichi thing was absolutely not for me. No, sir, if I wanted to end up somewhere fictional it would have been as a fat hobbit in the Shire.

With a snort I turned to the other page of my book. However, you would think the fiction would be better. But the girls in these books were the worst type of damsel in distress characters I had ever read. No wonder Icha Icha Paradise was popular. You could say a lot about the work of Jiraiya, but those books were definitely more interesting than the other garbage here. More like 50 shades of Grey quality than the infamous 'My immortal' fanfiction.

I sighed. I had truly lived in the golden age of fiction. You never know what you missed until you have no access to it. I wondered when the newest Icha Icha would be released. That could have not been the end of Akemi's adventures…

In the distance the clicking sound of heels came closer and closer. Hurriedly, I closed the book and shoved it in my bag. I grabbed the stack of papers right in front of me and straightened them on the desk, trying to look busy.

"Tano-san?"

The woman standing before me gave me a disinterested glance, before glancing at the papers in my hands. I lifted my chin.

"Are you busy?"

"No, how can I help you Ito-san?"

Her eyes lingered on my face.

Awkwardly, I tried to smile at her.

"Izumo-sama, wants to see you. Now." she huffed, before she dramatically walked away.

What was her issue anyway? I pulled a face. I should have said I was busy. My boss was a complete moron. Even worse he was an incompetent one. I dropped the stack of papers in the archives before making my way to his office. In the hallway before his office I saw Ito-san, surrounded by a number of ladies, at the secretary table. Quickly I walked past them and waited before the door. The door was open and I glanced inside.

"Izumo-sama?"

Through the see-through glass the middle-aged man seemed to be staring at the secretary table.

"Please, come in Tana-san. Take a seat. Isn't she a pretty one?" he smiled, before walking to his desk.

"Who is, Izumo-sama? All of them are lovely ladies."

A polite smile forced itself on my face.

"Mika Ito, of course."

"She is certainly eye-catching."

"She certainly is. She is my new secretary. I can't believe I have never noticed such a talent."

A lovesick grin appeared on his face. A shiver of disgust went down my spine. No wonder Mikoto was not at her usual place.

"Ito-san said you wanted to see me?"

"That's right. As you must know the Rinne festival is coming up soon."

I nodded. A feeling of dread pooled in my stomach. Instantly, my instincts told me that this could not be good. "The planning must be almost done, Izumo-sama." I said carefully.

"That isn't actually the case here." he said with a lazy drawl. "I want you to organize it."

My eyes widened.

"But that is… That is over a month. And organizing festivals is something I have never done. I am flattered that you think I am capable of this, Izumo-sama. But for the sake of the festival I believe that it would be better if someone else organized it."

"Don't be so humble, Tano-san." he laughed. "I believe you are capable of doing this. You are one of our more competent female workers. How difficult can it be?"

I took in a sharp breath and turned my face away. A grimace appeared on my face.

"The council want to have a clear overview of the plans for the festival at the next meeting. This meeting will take place in a week. As your workload, will be on the heavier side, the coming weeks. I will take this task from you and present my plans to the council. Ito-san will contact you to discuss the details."

He glanced at the papers on his desks. Clearly, I was dismissed. I nodded tensely and stood up. In my office, I let out a sharp breath and rubbed my temples. This was not the time to panic. That fucking asshole. That fucking arrogant asshole. The only way he could get away with shit like this is because of nepotism. Fuck my life.

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"You are home early?"

My mother looked up from the blouse she was repairing in her hands. A concerned look appeared on her face and she stood up from her rocking chair.

"Is everything okay at work? Please don't tell me they fired you."

"Why would you think that? The idiot gave me a new assignment. I am going to the library archives for some research."

"Well, you can be kind of direct sometimes. You know not everyone appreciates that, sweetheart."

Her eyes glowed with amusement. I kissed my mother on her cheek. She raked her fingers through my hair and tutted.

"Your hair is a mess. You should fix it before you leave. Your Kagami-obasan found a product that just might do the trick."

"Thank her for me."

Thanks to the humidity, my dark hair was bigger and frizzier than ever. My hair needed gel, but I hadn't found any products that worked on my type of hair. No anime hair for me. You think getting reborn in an anime world would give you the typical good looking anime looks. All the fanfictions I read... Well, they lied to us. I looked exactly like I did before. Just with a little narutofied twist.

My aunties told me that when the nurse brought me to my poor parents, they though they got the wrong baby. But six different DNA tests proofed that I was definitely their kid.

"Also, there are some leftovers in the fridge. Bring them along to snack on. Dinner will be served late today. Seeing you aren't at the office anyway could you go grocery shopping?"

"Sure, I'll do that on my way back." I nodded absentmindedly.

"Will you also pick up my order at Hisae's store? And also, I need you to help me clean up and make one of those desserts and salads of yours. A couple of ladies in the neighborhood will be visiting us tonight."

"Is that all?"

My mouth curved into a smile. My mother gave me a once-over.

"No, pull your shirt up. It is indecent. I didn't raise you in Iwa."

"You are really pushing it, kaa-san."

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I glanced at the dingy alley just across Hisae's. My heart pounded in my chest and my gut twisted. He couldn't be possibly doing what I thought he was doing. In the alley I saw a blonde kid with too large clothes playing with a kunai in his hands. From his clumsy movements, I would bet my life on it that he wasn't a ninja.

"Hey kid, what are you doing? Drop that! Are you stupid? That is not a toy!"

Clear blue eyes in a chubby whiskered face looked in my direction. The kunai in his hands dropped to the floor. He let a little hiss through his teeth and lifted his hand to his chest.

My body froze. That was Uzumaki Naruto. I had never seen him before. Konoha was not as small as it looked in the anime. I fought back the tears in my eyes. I had promised myself to not get involved with the plot or its main characters. But I couldn't abandon him like that. He was hurt.

I took a step forward. He looked up. The color drained out of his face. No kid should ever look at a person like that. Slowly I inched forward. His expression dulled.

"Hey kid, are you hurt? Do you mind if I take a look at that?"

He extended his shaking hand to me and I saw the remains of blood on his hand. There was no wound. I softened my face and dropped my grocery bags on the disgusting alley floor. I hoped there were no rats. From the pocket of my skirt, I grabbed a tissue and at a slow pace I reached for his hand. In my hand, I felt his small hand tense up. But I deliberately ignored it.

"You are really brave, you know. If this was any other kid they would have been screaming and crying. You are as brave as any ninja in the village I have seen."

"You really believe that?" a soft voice asked me.

I looked up and nodded. This was not the time to burst in tears.

"Yes, sweetheart. Of course, I do. Let me tell you a secret all those snotty brats in my street would have disturbed the whole street with their tears."

His mouth twitched.

"You find that funny, don't you?"

I grinned, reached for his hand and pressed a kiss on it.

"There, now it is all better."

I looked up and the smile on my face faded. His eyes were round.

"I hope you didn"t mind that. My kaa-san… She always kissed my pain away."

A beaming smile appeared on his face. I stood up and dusted my skirt.

"Is everything okay, little brave man? What is your name anyway?"

"My name is Naruto."

"Well pleasure to meet you Naruto. I am Amaya."

With steady fingers, I grabbed the kunai and dumped it in the trash can. Afterwards, I plucked my grocery bags from the floor. My face contorted in disgust. There was nothing I could do about the dirt on the bags.

"You have to promise me that you will not play with ninja weapons. Unless it is with your teachers."

I cocked my head. Dazed he nodded.

"I still have a lot to do. It was nice meeting you. Perhaps we will see each other again?"

I smiled and took a step forward. The loud rumbling of a stomach stopped my movement. I turned around and saw Naruto clasping his rumbling stomach with a flushed face.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?"

He shook his head. Another sound escaped from his stomach. The flush on his face turned brighter.

"Could you grab the bento box in my pursue? My hands are a bit full."

I waved my grocery bags in the air. Slowly he took a few steps closer. His hands froze above the leather bag that was settled on my hip.

"You can just open the bag."

I bended my knees and leaned sideways. He grabbed a purple bento box with whirls depicted on the top.

"What now?"

"You open it and eat it of course. I hope you like pizza."

Awe transformed his face.

"What is pizza?"

A faux solemn look appeared on my face, before I winked at him.

"Pizza is the food of the Gods. Don't worry about the Bento. You can keep the old thing."

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I haven't got the foggiest idea why I wrote this and posted it. But I will blame all the lovely people of the Discord and 'Yeah, Kunai are cool but have you had dessert.' My character is civilian and will stay a civilian. Everything else, is up for grabs. No idea what I am going to do with this. Also this isn't betaed. If you see a mistake just mention it.


	2. Chapter 2

The Rinne festival was coming up soon and I was getting desperate.

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"The Rinne festival, huh?" Large expressive eyes in a tawny face looked skeptical at me. "Isn't it too late to ask vendors for that?"  
I nodded.

"Yes, that is. But I have heard some great stuff about your fireworks. And thought to myself why not give…" I glanced up at the front of the store. "Uhm… Chichibu a chance to show their amazing fireworks to the whole of Konoha. You have never participated in one, right? I have even heard the Daimyo might come this year and I thought why not show the court what Konoha has to offer. Besides the ninja of course. Could you imagine what that could do for your business?"

He scratched the top of his head.

"I see, but I think we will have to pass. It isn't enough time to make all preparations, you see. Especially with the Daimyo coming."

My eye twitched. Don't mention the daimyo the next time. A change of game plan is needed.

Rejection number: 11

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I smiled brightly and leaned forward.

"Sooo…. What do you think?"

He tugged at the collar of his bright yellow shirt.

"Well, I dunno. It is kinda soon."

"True. True. True. But Takashi-san. Can I call you that or do you prefer Watanabe-san? You see, I am not a big fan of formalities."

Jovially, I slapped him on his arm.

I could do this. The price was right before me. I knew exactly what I wanted and I was going to get my price. I would finally succeed.

"I really think that your dancing trope could be phenomenal at the festival. Konoha has never seen anything like it before."

A weirded out but flattered look appeared on his face. This was not the time to overdo it. I almost had him where I wanted. So close. I was so, so, close I could almost taste it. Just one more push. Just a tiny one.

"Thank you, Tano-sensei."

"No need to call me Tano-sensei. Just call me Amaya-san or even Amaya-chan. I don't mind. Honestly."

"Of course… Amaya-san."

"Do I detect a faint Northern-Iron drawl in your accent? I've always wanted to visit. They say the area is magnificent."

Success was mine. I forced a smile on my face. His eyes widened.

"Tano-sensei, I am flattered by your advances. You are… You are a beautiful woman, but I'm a happily married. To my wife." he sputtered.

I went too far. I could still succeed.

"That is not what I…"

"Have a good day, Tano-sensei!"

Watanabe-san made a shallow bow, before he turned around and with a bang shut down the door of his gym.

SHIT

I threw my hands in the air.

"Ugh! I fucking hate my life. Fuck!"

Behind me I heard the typical 'tsk' sound of disgust. I turned around and saw the face of a typical old crone that I could find at any random civilian tea shop in the Northern district gossiping about her lazy daughter-in-law. I wasn't in the mood for this bullshit.

"Can I help you?"

"Young ladies do not-"

"I apologize, but I am going to stop you there. My life is already a mess. Go bother someone else."

Her face twisted.

"I can't believe-"

I gave a dismissive wave in her direction.

"No."

She made another 'tsk' sound and left with a huff. It wouldn't surprise me if later today I would hear something about a woman of my description in Konoha's infamous gossip circles. News travelled fast among the civilian quarters. It was kind of surreal how accurate they tended to be.

I looked up and saw Takashi-san shooting at me behind the large poster of the dancing troupe in his gym.

I sighed. Rejection number: 42.

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Real desperate.

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"I think the two of you would be a fine addition to the festival."

"You want me to perform some tricks at a civilian festival." The rugged looking Inuzuka guffawed.

My shoulders slumped.

"Yes."

"Are you desperate, girly?"

I squeezed my eyed shut. This was not the time to give up all hope.

"Please."

My voice sounded dull and flat in my ears. He gave me a once-over. I couldn't read the look on his face, but I could imagine what he was thinking. If I looked as pathetic as I felt…I… I clenched my fists.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm not going to repeat it twice. If you don't want to help, just say so."

"I thought I detected some spirit in you. Fine. You can contact me about the details."

Surprised I looked up. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Really? You will not regret this."

"I think it is already too late for that."

I gave him a lopsided grin.

"It is too late to take it back."

"Really."

Unimpressed he looked at me. This was not the time to screw things up.

"I was just joking. It was just a joke. I am going to leave right now."

Victory: 1  
Rejection: 103. I was so screwed.

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"I am screwed."

I added the finely chopped chicken to the pan. My stomach grumbled violently. It smelled so good. My eyes darted around the room. I picked up the large wooden spoon and took a bite. Delicious. I couldn't wait till the bestilla was done.

"Don't be so dramatic." My mother said as she washing the dishes in the kitchen sink. "And stop eating! You aunt is here."

I dropped the spoon in the kitchen sink and took place at the table.

"She is used to it. She knows how classy we are."

"Surely, there are some places that might be interested?"

My aunt looked up with a concerned smile. Her black hair was neatly pulled into a bun.

I hooked my feet around the chairs legs.

"I went to over a hundred places and almost all of them said no. To be honest, I didn't even know there were so many businesses in Konoha, Rina."

"You said almost all of them. So, there are some that said yes."

I snorted.

"Only a single Inuzaka said yes to me. He felt sorry me."

My mother drew nearer and tucked a wavy lock of hair behind my ear.

"No, you just made him an offer he couldn't refuse." she said gently. "You can be quite persistent. When you were a kid, I always almost wavered when you looked at me determinedly with those chubby cheeks."

"She still has chubby cheeks." My nephew said from below the table.

I looked down and saw that he was playing with his plushy kunai. With a big smile, I squeezed his cheek.

"So do you. It runs in the family."

His nose twitched, and his large eyes looked at me irked.

"I don't. Kaa-san tell Amaya that I don't have chubby cheeks!"

Rina laughed heartily.

We heard him grumbling underneath the table.

"And if you don't stop eating sweets, you will still have chubby cheeks when you are my age. I would look out if I were you, Kazuki."

His head popped up from underneath the table. My mother ran her hand through his dark hair.

"Stop teasing your little cousin."

The corners of her eyes crinkled. Kazuki took a place on her lap and leaned forward. For a while he looked at the plate on the table, before he grabbed the largest cookie on the plate.

Rina shot me a glance and the both of us burst into laughter. With my hand I wiped the tears on my cheek.

"But seriously I admit. I was a mess before him. I am not ashamed to admit it." I said when we calmed down.

"So what are you going to do now?"

I hung my head.

"My first meeting with Izumo-sama will be in two days. I was thinking about resigning. It is better than being fired."

"The Aburame could probably help you out. I can ask Jirou…"

"There is no need to ask him that, Rina. Even if they helped, it wouldn't be enough."

"But tou-san is awesome. He can fix everything!"

I wiped the cookie crumbs on his face away, before ruffling his hair.

"Your tou-san is the best. You know he helped me find my job. No one wanted to hire me before he helped me out."

His eyes widened, before his whole face lit up. I smiled sadly at him.

I was glad he wouldn't find out how discouraging it could be to watch your well-connected peers get a helping hand into their first job, while no one wanted to even give you a chance. If he decided to not become a shinobi, despite how tiny that chance was, he would have a bright future ahead of him.

My aunts eyes blazed with indignation, but there was also a knowing look in her eyes.

"You don't have to worry, Amaya. Jirou can help you out. You are a hard worker. And the brother of my sensei is also looking for people in his store. I can put a good word for you there."

"Oh, what kind of store is it?" my mother asked her.

I sighed. At times like these, I wondered if I did make the right decision in not becoming a ninja. There were plenty of cushy and well-paying jobs that were not available for civilians.

A hand squeezed me tightly. I looked up and saw my mother smiling brightly at me. No, I couldn't have done that to my mother.

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Don't worry guys. If everything goes als planned Naruto will be in the next chapter. So what do you guys think of Amaya and her family? Also this might seem real soon, but I was wondering if there were any characters you would like to see in this story? Perhaps even love interests? This story can still go into any direction.


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